Recovery isn't something that just happens. You don't wake up one morning and decide "OK I'm going to recover" and then suddenly, POOF! You're cured.
I wish it worked like that but it doesn't.
Recovery has to be an active process, not a passive one. It has to be purposeful.
You have to choose recovery every single day.
I repeat: Every. Single. Day.
So how exactly do you do that?
You look at the delicious plate of pasta sitting in front of you at your mom's house and say "today I choose you".
You laugh with your friends as you leave the bar at 2 am for late night pizza and say "today I choose you".
And most of all, you wake up the next morning, smile down at your beautiful body with all of its imperfections and say "today I choose you".
You have to do these things constantly, you have to remind yourself of why you're recovering over and over again. Because it's a difficult process, a process that takes time and effort and a hell of a lot of strength.
There will be good days when you enjoy every last bite, when you conquer fear foods flawlessly, when you feel like Beyonce and Gisele Bundchen and Taylor Swift all rolled into one stunning, fabulous woman. Hold on to those days, the days when choosing recovery is easy.
Because there will also be bad days. Days when the ED voice is louder than ever, when you don't think you're strong enough, when all you want to do is crawl in bed and never come out.
Those days will be hard. They will be SO hard.
But those days are when it really counts, when it really matters. They are when you must actively choose recovery, when you must dig in and not take the easy road. They are what determine whether you win or whether your ED wins.
Eventually as you recover, those bad days will happen less and the good days will happen more.
That's not a coincidence, it's not luck.
It's because you chose recovery. You chose life.
So if today you're reading this and it's a good day, congratulations. I'm proud of you, my heart is happy for you.
But if you're reading this and it's a bad day, know that I'm here. And that I've been there. You aren't alone, you never will be. Just keep choosing to fight. Keep choosing to be strong. Keep choosing recovery.
I love you.
*Thanks to Amanda over at Running With Spoons for always hosting Thinking Out Loud on Thursdays. That girl has been one of my biggest inspirations so please check her out!