linking up with Amanda for this week's thinking out loud!
we spend so much time blaming our bodies for everything, believing if we were thinner we would be happy or loved or in a relationship or successful. we waste so much energy wishing our bodies were different.
but guess what.
your body isn't the problem, your mind is.
that's why recovery is more than just gaining weight. that's why weight restored doesn't always equal fully recovered (in fact, it rarely does).
it isn't what you see in the mirror. it's how you see it.
do you really think having a thigh gap will help you meet new friends? do you really think if your waist was 3 inches smaller you would be further along in your career?
no. absolutely not. you know deep down those beliefs are not true. they're ridiculous.
do you know what will help you build new relationships or get a promotion at work though?
fixing the way you think about yourself. oh and eating. eating minimums and beyond. eating, resting and then eating some more.
"but amanda then i'll gain weight and feel even worse about myself and hate how i look even more"
i hear you, i do. but (and i mean this very nicely) you're wrong. because the awful feelings don't come from your weight. they come from your brain and its perceptions.
when you're underweight, restricting, or just in the midst of recovery, your brain is still starved. it isn't functioning properly. it doesn't have enough nutrients or energy to work normally.
that's why you see yourself as "huge" even though you might still be underweight. that's why you continue to be obsessed with body checking and why you blame your size for everything negative in your life.
it doesn't matter if you weigh 90 pounds or 200. if your mind is disordered, you will never be happy with your body.
so don't just gain the recommended weight and expect to feel better. don't heal the outside without also healing the inside. don't think that a certain BMI will miraculously mean you're recovered.
and most of all, don't blame your body. it has done nothing except fight every single day to keep you alive. it keeps fighting even when you are fighting against it. your body is not the problem and it never will be.
you are perfectly you. recover so that your mind can believe that too. recover so that you can look in the mirror, no matter what size you are, and see beauty.